Sometimes you just find yourself going through the motions. Not In a negative way, but just living day to day and letting them pass by without enjoying the small things we find ourselves taking for granted. It could be the people closest to us that we forget to cherish from time to time or where we are in our lives- what we’ve achieved, where we’ve been or even whose lives we may have touched.
As coaches we know we have learned just how much we can influence young people. There’s always at least one that hangs on every word, takes everything in and lives and breathes what you say. There are the ones who emulate you and study so much they can mimic your mannerisms, sometimes even ones you didn’t even know you exhibited! By and large all of this is a very positive experience for everyone, but from time to time we can do or say something that could be regarded as a negative. That’s what makes us all human and I think that’s an important lesson to learn as well as a youngster matures. How many times have you seen a coach completely break a kid down, then later watch him walk off the field with his arm around him building him right back up, just trying to find that elusive formula that helps him reach his potential.
Now that I travel and do more camps and individual training, I don’t have those daily interactions that I took for granted all those years when I was coaching my own team. Fortunately, many of those players and students still stay in touch and remind me of some of my antics. Many I had forgotten, and to be honest, I think they have embellished! I couldn’t have really said those types of things could I?
I never rehearsed pregame speeches, I always thought the kids would be able to tell and I wanted to be genuine when I addressed them. So, I don’t remember much of what I said, even though I know it was from the heart and what I felt. It was honest. But it still amazes me when I’m reminded of something I said to a young impressionable player. I just took it for granted, I didn’t stop to cherish those locker room moments. I always knew there would be more. Now, some of those players are coaching and are influencing their own players. I constantly remind them to enjoy every moment and also to hold themselves accountable- there’s way too much social media these days! Today mole hills become mountains quite fast.
There have always been those players that needed sports more than sports needed them. This just means that they may not be the most physically gifted player, but they were still instrumental to the success of the team. There are lots of kids out there that just need structure in their lives. Some place to go every day where they are part of something. Where they are held accountable. Where they have responsibilities and people depend on them. That’s one of the greatest parts of coaching, providing a family for kids that really needed that in their lives. It’s also one of the saddest parts of coaching. Once that kid graduates or otherwise moves on, many times he loses his direction and sense of purpose and has to set out and hopefully find his way in life. For most, it’s a very positive experience and they use the life lessons they have obtained to become very successful. For others, they really struggle to get back that camaraderie they have come to rely on. Sadly, some fall through the cracks, lose touch with their former team mates and coaches and wind up following a negative pathway that can easily eat up and spit out what was once a promising young life. I was recently reminded of this as well.
Many times you just cross your fingers and hope for the best. Kind of like parenting. You do all you can to prepare them for life, but eventually you have to let them find their own way and just cross your fingers and hope they succeed. I like to believe that in more cases than not they do find success.
Recently I was invited to a cookout slash graduation party for a former player. This player was raised by a strong single mother, who will also argue that his coaches helped raise him as well. I don’t want to use his real name so I will just call him John. School work didn’t come easy to John. He is an extremely proud person and worked very hard all through the night just to get his homework in on time. What transpired was a vicious cycle. John would stay up all night to get his work done, which meant he wasn’t, shall we say, quite wide awake in many classes. Obviously this caused problems for him. I had a zero tolerance policy when it came to teacher complaints. Meaning, that if a teacher took the time to get in touch with me about something that was wrong, then it was bad enough to warrant extra conditioning. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t aware of what was happening, but as I mentioned earlier, players are held accountable for their actions.
Upon further investigation it came to light that John required some extra help and extra time to complete assignments. Once that plan was put into place, you could visibly see the difference in his attitude, his energy was back and was once again a confident young man. That didn’t mean his struggles were over.
I’m not sure how the tradition began, but each year at team camp I would have the players pass around a football. When they had the ball in their hand they could say anything without retribution. Mostly it was a light hearted affair with kids sharing dreams and aspirations for themselves or the team. Once they finished saying what needed said they signed the ball. That ball became our inspiration for that season- we touched it before each game recalling what it meant to each of us. In his freshman year, John had given a particularly pointed speech. Very pointed if you know John, because he is a man a very few words, but he conveyed his thoughts very clearly about his future in football.
Now that John was able to handle his class load it was time to make up many of the assignments he had fallen behind on and really start to climb the mountain of getting his grades where they needed to be if he was to fulfill his dream of playing football after high school. It was a long hard road, but John did find a way to meet NCAA eligibility requirements and secure a scholarship to an FBS college. This was a huge milestone, not just because it was another step in fulfilling his dreams, but also because he was fulfilling the dreams of an entire family. No one in his family had ever attended college, much less graduated.
John did have to go to junior college to help prepare him for his FBS days ahead. Like high school, it was a struggle, but he managed to get by just fine and move on to the FBS school he signed with. John played as a backup his first year and became a full time starter. John played in a bowl game. He became the pride of his family and finished his football career on a high note. He played his entire career without serious injury or set back. Unfortunately, John left school after his senior season and moved back home with his mama. That’s not particularly unfortunate, but John failed to complete one class that he needed to complete his degree and get him that college diploma.
He found work and began helping around the house. His mother urged him to finish, she urged me to urge him, and I did.
Then I lost touch with him for about a year. I sent word again that he needed to finish what he started. But, still no word. Then, two weeks ago his mother contacted me and I could hear it in her voice- John had finally completed his class and was now a college graduate! I later found out he told his mom that he wasn’t going to speak to me again until “he finished what he started”. We spoke last weekend at his party for a long, long time. I had the opportunity to meet most of his family, many of which I had never met before. They were all proud of John and just beamed when they mentioned him or looked at him. One of his uncles said something as we spoke that stuck with me and was the basis for this story. He said, “I’m so proud of John, all I want him to do is share some of what he learned with someone else along the way”. In other words, don’t take it for granted.
As John and I spoke, I told him how proud I was of him, and how proud I had always been. I reminded him how fortunate he is. He had done things many hadn’t. Played division one football, played in a bowl game, had a college degree and strong family behind him. I reminded him to hug his mother and grandmother who had put together his party and not to ever forget where he came from. John did what he has always done, he said, “Yes, sir.” And gave them each a hug.
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